Picking Things to Bits: Meryl Dorey goes all Freeman-On-The-Land-ish

Because they really do exist.

Back in March, I wrote a little thing about the Freeman-on-the-Land (FOTL) movement, in all its logic-defying wonderfulness (I also wrote a much longer version for the gorgeous and reasonably-priced King's Tribune. If you want the rest of this post to make sense, do pop over and have a little read. If you'd rather not, go and have a cup of tea. I'd love one too please. One sugar.) At that stage, I had a hunch and an inkling that the movement was happening in Australia, but had little idea how close it lay to my everyday realm of outrage.

Now, thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, I can show you a letter to a government body, written with the unmistakable clang of a Freeman-on-the-Land. And the author is none other than our favourite anti-vaccine, anti-medicine, anti-science, anti-most-sensible-things doyenne of the eccentric fringe media, Meryl Dorey.

Before I pop my Picking-Things-To-Bits hat on and take you through the letter one bewildering paragraph at a time, here's a little back-story:

5 May 2012: Meryl Dorey is interviewed on Fairdinkum Radio by Leon Pittard. During the interview, both discuss, promote and gush about Black Salve, an unregistered quack cancer remedy that is claimed by its supporters to safely and selectively remove cancerous tissue (when evidence suggests that it dangerously and indiscriminately burns people's noses off).

May 2012: An anonymous complaint is made to the Therapeutic Goods Administration (TGA)'s Complaints Resolution Panel (CRP), because promoting unproven and unregistered cancer treatments is against the law.

January 2013: The CRP determines that the radio interview is in contravention of parts of the Therapeutic Goods Act (1989) and the Therapeutic Goods Advertising Code (2007). You can find the determination here. Ms Dorey and Mr Pittard are requested to respond to the finding.

July 2012: Meryl Dorey responds with the letter I quote below.

You can find a PDF copy of the letter here, and an excellent summary of the whole shemozzle over at Diluted Thinking.

 

So, let's pick it to bits, shall we? I'll begin by introducing the players. 

"Meryl Dorey" - The legal persona of Meryl Dorey, who only exists on paper and is subject to laws and regulations in name only, hereafter called "MERYL DOREY"

"Person's Personal Representative for MERYL DOREY" - Meryl Dorey's Freeman-on-the-Land meatperson, who is free and only subject to nice, cuddly Common Law, hereafter called "Meryl Dorey Meatperson"

"TGA Guy" - the representative from the TGA CRP handling the complaint, who may be wondering what the hell is going on.

It begins...

(Bold is from the original letter. Italic is me being a smartarse.)

"Person's Personal Representative For MERYL DOREY"
This letter is sent to you from Meryl Dorey Meatperson, not from MERYL DOREY.

"TGA Guy In his Private capacity"
This letter is sent to the cuddly meatperson version of TGA Guy, not the legal entity employed by the bastard government corporation who, let's face it, is just doing his job.

"In Regards: OFFER TO SETTLE IN PRIVATE"

I'M ONTO YOU. I know that you're trying to get me to do something, but I have no contract with you, so you can go and get stuffed. You can tell by the way I use words like "offer" and "claim" that I know the secret language of legal things, and you can't trick me into abiding by your 'Acts' and 'Codes'. 

"Dear TGA Guy,

The Person's Personal Representative, after seeking wise council, writes to TGA Guy, today in his Private capacity and humbly and sincerely apologises for any dishonour he may have caused."

Meryl Dorey Meatperson, after talking to some convincing-sounding wingnuts, is sorry if (s)he's come across as dishonourable, because that goes against cuddly Common Law, and that would be just dreadful. Soz.

"The Person's Personal Representative, 

in his Inherent Jurisdiction de jure solum ei naturale, conditionally accepts that TGA Guy has made a well pled claim that, Meryl Dorey has advertised and promoted 'Black Salve' and that Leon Pittard has further promoted and advertised 'Black Salve' by publishing the interview, and offers to settle this matter in private upon TGA Guy in his own private capacity providing true, correct and complete proof; that:"

Meryl Dorey Meatperson has read the letter that says she's in contravention of your so-called 'Act' and your so-called 'Code', but does not agree, because we're dealing with Natural Law (in bad Latin, no less!), so here's what's going to happen. Prove the following things to me, and then we'll talk. 

"Relating a personal condition to anyone constitutes advertising;"
PROVE what I said about Black Salve was advertising in a way that will convince a crazy person. Because I don't think it was advertising. Go on. I dare you.

"The person making the claim has full knowledge of any fees paid for any alleged advertising;"
PROVE that it was a paid advertisement. Because according to the law that I just made up in my head, it's not advertising unless someone gets paid for it.

"The right to free speech is not an inherent right;"
PROVE that I don't have the inherent right to free speech and therefore I can say whatever I like about how awesome it is to burn flesh off yourself and how crap all those other lame-o cancer 'treatments' are. I don't care what your actual laws or the actual Constitution says. It only matters what *I* call free speech.

"Any Corporation has the right to sue any individual in their private capacity;"
PROVE that you have any jurisdiction over me in my made-up fantasy version of the law. Because, see, you're the Corporation, and you're suing me, Meryl Meatperson, and cuddly Common Law says you can't do that. Because I said so. Or Ipsy Dixie, or however you say it in Latin.

"The Persons Personal Representative in his Inherent Jurisdiction is not able to settle this matter in private."
PROVE that I can't just do whatever I want. PROVE that everything in this letter is complete and utter frothy bollocks. I DOUBLE DARE YOU.

"NOTICE - TGA Guy, in his own private capacity, shall have twenty one days (21) from being served to respond by rebutting all of the above -point for point -or it shall be declared that free speech is still an inherent right, and the Person's Personal Representative has the proprietary right to settle all outstanding issues in the private. "
You've got 21 days from receipt of this letter to PROVE everything I asked you to prove in my Very Impressive List above. If you can't prove that my made-up cuddly law and my right to flog flesh-eating codswallop is complete pants, then this conversation is OVER. 

"Sincerely
M.D.
Person's Personal Representative
By Accommodation"
Shaking Up Important Sounding Words In A Bag.

And the TGA's response? "The advertisers did not respond to the substance of the complaint."

Picking Things to Bits - A Homeopathy Tutorial

 Because people really do believe this stuff.

Today I thought I'd choose a page from the famous Homeopathy Plus! website for the 'Picking Things to Bits' treatment. Chosen not-really-randomly from a series of so-called 'tutorials' about homeopathy and homeopaths, What To Expect (Part A) attempts to offer the gormless reader a convincing guide to experiencing homeopathic remedies. 

The original tutorial can be found here. My interpretation follows.

Tutorial 15 – What to Expect (Part A)

 "Different people have different experiences following their first homeopathic treatment. For some, the results are dramatic and profound; for others, they seem mild and almost unnoticeable. Knowing why these differences occur and what they mean will help you get the best from your treatment."

(Homeopathy relies on the placebo effect to produce the desired results, and the strength of the placebo effect depends on the people involved, the circumstances under which the placebo is taken and many other variables. Being unaware of this really helps us, as homeopaths, convince you that it’s working.)

"Remember, homeopathic treatment is a shared responsibility – while you depend on your homeopath to make a good prescription and manage your case well, they depend on you to provide accurate information and note any changes that happen."

(If your homeopathic remedy works, it’s because of your awesome homeopath. If it doesn’t, it’s all your fault.)

"So, with that in mind, lets have a look at the process involved.

Once you have taken your first dose of a homeopathic remedy, one of the following seven things will happen"

(Once you’ve taken your first dose of a homeopathic remedy, we rely on your interpretation of the following events - which were going to happen next regardless. Here’s a list of possibilities, just to cover our arses.)

• "A curative response – your symptoms get better and go away."
  (This one’s our favourite. It makes us look awesome.)

•  "A similar aggravation – your symptoms first worsen and then improve."
  (Homeopathy does bugger all)

• "A dissimilar aggravation – new symptoms appear for a short time but your old ones stay the same."
  (Homeopathy does bugger all)

• "Accessory symptoms – your symptoms improve but in the process a new one appears for a short period."
  (Homeopathy does bugger all)

• "Return of old symptoms – your existing symptoms improve but in the process, old symptoms from the past return for a short period."
  (Homeopathy does bugger all)

• "A surrogate discharge or eruption appears for a short time."
  (Ew. Wipe it up, then go see a real doctor. Also: Homeopathy does bugger all.)

•  "Absolutely nothing happens."
  (Can you believe we actually admit this? Yet we don’t see how this instantly makes homeopathy look useless.)

"What do they mean? Plenty to a homeopath! Each response reveals whether or not the correct remedy has been prescribed and provides valuable information your homeopath will use to adjust your treatment and help return you to health."

(NONE OF THEM MEAN THAT HOMEOPATHY DOESN’T WORK. SHUT UP.)

"So, let’s look at each of these responses in greater detail.

1. A Curative Response – Your Symptoms Get Better and Go Away

What this means

The remedy was correct – it matched your symptoms and was the:

• Right strength (potency)
• Right amount (dose)
• Right number of repetitions (frequency)"

(Your homeopath serendipitously treated you immediately before your symptoms improved.)

"Explanation

This is the fantastic result that everyone wants and usually, this is what happens. For acute complaints such as cystitis or a gum abscess, it may occur quickly – sometimes with just one dose of one remedy. For chronic problems such as recurring tonsillitis or asthma since childhood, treatment will take a little longer. If a number of diseases or problems have built up over years, a series of remedies and potencies may be needed to unravel the mess."

(Yay! Phew! But just in case you’re not completely better yet, it’s your own fault for not using more homeopathy.)

"What to do next

Enjoy your improved health and live life well.

 2. A Similar Aggravation – Your Symptoms First Worsen and Then Improve.

What this means

The remedy was correct but too strong for your sensitivity; it intensified your symptoms before triggering a healing response."

(The homeopath didn’t get your treatment wrong. The homeopath got your treatment right too much.)

"Explanation

Even when the remedy is a good match for your symptoms it can temporarily intensify them if:

• The dose is too large,
• The potency incorrect, or
• It has been given too frequently

This similar (homeopathic) aggravation occurs as the overly strong effects of the remedy combine with your existing symptoms."

(We love pretending that homeopaths can give somebody too much of nothing. We also love pretending that any change in your symptoms means our Magic Nothing Water is working as it should.)

"Fortunately, similar aggravations are usually mild and short-lived, settling as the energetic nature of the remedy leaves your system. Your own vitality then rebounds against the disappearing remedy, triggering an improvement in health."

(You get better when the homeopathy goes away.)

"Similar aggravations confirm that the correct remedy was prescribed – your homeopath now has to fine-tune the next dose to better suit your sensitivity. On the rare occasion that an aggravation is prolonged, your homeopath may antidote it with another homeopathic remedy."

(If your stupid, stupid sensitivity made the homeopathy not work, your homeopath can fix it. With homeopathy.)

  

"What to do next

Notify your homeopath. They will most likely advise you to let the similar aggravation settle naturally so an improvement in your symptoms can follow. Future similar aggravations can be avoided by your homeopath adjusting the dose, potency, or number of repetitions of the remedy to suit your sensitivity."

(Notify your homeopath. Try not to use the terms “the homeopathy didn’t work”, “I think this whole homeopathy thing is a crock” or “Give me my money back, you frikkin’ scammer.")

3. A Dissimilar Aggravation – New Symptoms Appear For a Short Time but Your Old Ones Stay the Same.

What this means

The remedy was incorrect; it did not match your symptoms but you were sensitive enough to feel some of the different symptoms it can produce."

(In real medicine, these would be called ‘side effects’. But because homeopathy is just overpriced sugar and water, these symptoms are known as ‘illness.’)

"Explanation

When an incorrect remedy has been prescribed (one that poorly matches your symptoms) you may experience a dissimilar or unhomeopathic aggravation, especially if you are sensitive to the remedy. The remedy will have produced some of its own symptoms in you in the same way it can during a proving (see tutorial 6 on Provings for more information). As these symptoms are different to your original symptoms, it is called a dissimilar rather than a similar aggravation (see tutorial 1 on the Law of Similars for further explanation). Because of the lack of similarity between symptoms, this remedy will not help you.

Fortunately, like similar aggravations, dissimilar aggravations are usually mild and short-lived. They settle as soon as the energetic nature of the remedy leaves your system. Unfortunately, they do not trigger a self-healing rebound effect. Your homeopath will have to prescribe a different remedy that is a closer match to your symptoms. On the rare occasion that a dissimilar aggravation is prolonged, your homeopath can antidote it homeopathically."

(Hopefully this all sounds so complicated that you just nod your head and say ‘whatever!’ and let us sell you some more of the same water in a vial with a different label on it.)

"What to do

Notify your homeopath. They will retake your case so that a remedy that better matches your symptoms can be prescribed. Your homeopath will be particularly interested in the symptoms you experienced during the dissimilar aggravation, as these can help guide future treatment."

(Notify your homeopath. Your homeopath will be particularly pleased that you’ve presented him/her with a bonus opportunity to flog you some more enchanted woo-tonic.)

"In Conclusion – A Word About Aggravations

Aggravations, while not a necessary part of homeopathic treatment, are sometimes unavoidable."

(Homeopathy does bugger all.)

"Aggravations occur when a person is either very sensitive to a remedy, or when a poorly skilled prescriber has given a remedy it in too large or too frequent a dose."

(If your remedy doesn’t work, it’s either your fault or that of a shonky homeopath who isn’t the author of this tutorial.)

"For this reason, better practitioners always give test doses at the beginning of treatment to check the person’s sensitivity. They will also prescribe the remedy as a liquid rather than in pills so it can be easily diluted if a gentler dose is needed."

(It’s much less hassle for us to fill some tiny glass jars with tap water than it is to source colourless hundreds-and-thousands from a confectionery wholesaler.)

"When aggravations occur, they are usually short-lived, mild, and an interesting phenomenon to experience. Their one benefit is that they act as a challenge to the person’s vitality and so can strengthen resilience."

(Just because you’re still sick doesn’t mean that homeopathy doesn’t work. It means you’re special. And it’s definitely your fault.)

"Next tutorial we will learn what it means and what to do when either:

• Your existing symptoms improve but new ones appear for a short period.
• Your existing symptoms improve but old symptoms from the past return for a short period.
• A surrogate discharge or eruption appears.
• Absolutely nothing happens."

(I won’t go into it now, but it’s more of the same. In summary:

• If you get better, that’s the homeopathy working.
• If you don’t get better, that’s the homeopathy working.
• To whom shall I make out the invoice?)

Picking Things To Bits – Tony Abbott’s Address to President Obama

Because I’m not convinced.

A new thing. I thought it might be fun to periodically choose a piece of someone else’s writing and critically analyse it with an objective eye pick it to bits.

First cab off the rank is Tony Abbott’s speech at the reception dinner welcoming visiting US President Barack Obama. The full transcript is here (Warning: there is a photo of Tony Abbott and Julia Bishop on this page).

It begins:

Mr President, Prime Minister, parliamentary colleagues, distinguished guests.
It is indeed an honour to follow our Prime Minister in formally welcoming President Obama to Australia.

“Yadda yadda yadda, hello, hello, mmwah etc”

 As the leader of the United States, sir, you are the world’s president because no other country has such a place in the life and such a hold over the imaginations of people across the globe.

“Your status as a world power is on the wane, but I’m not going to waste valuable proselytising and brown-nosing time talking about that right now.”

 As Prime Minister Gillard has said, watching the moon landing in 1969 convinced her that there was nothing that America and Americans could not achieve. The moon landing, sir, was special for me, too. My teachers didn’t think it was important enough to interrupt classes for. So, I absconded to a friend’s house to watch the broadcast. It was the only time in my life I ever wagged school and I’d like to think that I did it for America. The subsequent corporal punishment, I suppose that was for America, too: a small price to pay for watching history in the making and cheering for the country which at that moment was acting for all humanity.

“I was a really good boy at school, except that one time when I assumed the position in the name of America”.

 Years later, sir, as a student in Oxford...

“I haz plenty smart book learnin’”

 ...I felt instantly at home amongst the English only to discover after six months that nearly all of my friends were American.

“I wanted to fit in with people who spoke posh and drank lots of tea but they didn’t care for me much.”

 Perhaps it was just the solidarity of strangers, more likely it was the natural affinity that Americans and Australians have for each other. It was an American who not only taught me the Star Spangled Banner but insisted that I sing it in the Soviet Union no less in 1982. It was an American who persuaded me to become a boxer, an American Jesuit, the ultimate muscular Christian.

“Here are some meaningless personal anecdotes that prove how awesome Americans are. Also, PRAISE JESUS!”

 From the American sealers and whalers who were an important part of our national economy back in the 1800s; the officers and men of the Great White Fleet who were given perhaps the most tumultuous welcome ever extended to any visitors to our shores; General Pershing’s men who went to war for the first time under General Monash in the Battle of Hamel; to the countless Americans and Australians at all times and in all places who instantly warm to each other’s informality and readiness to have a go.

“I had my PA Google some stuff yesterday so that I could sound relevant.”

 Our citizens are not strangers to each other. English-speaking peoples never really are.

“Australians and Americans get along because I am blissfully ignorant of the 100 or so languages other than English that are spoken in Australia and the US.”

 I was reminded of this, sir, on a recent visit to Afghanistan. Only a senior American officer would have invited an image-conscious politician...

“OMG you guise, have you seen my spectacular pecs?”

 ...to test-fire a heavy machine gun...

“So heavy, in fact, that only someone with spectacular pecs could use it and not look like some kind of publicity-hounding idiot.”

 ...and only an Australian alternative prime minister...

“I prefer not to use the term ‘sore loser’”

 ...would have been rash...

“Spectacularly muscular”

 ...enough to do so.

But for all the instinctive bonds there can still be misunderstandings. On my first trip to the United States as a parliamentarian, the US Information Agency briefed my hosts that I was a ferocious liberal and deeply anti-republican, which meant that I spent most of the fortnight being introduced to communists.

“Even though we all speak English, you guys are still capable of monumental stuff-ups that result in me having to tell my pre-prepared Christian White Supremacist jokes to a bunch of bloody commies.”

 The very concept of the office I hold as an institutional critic of government...

“This Opposition Leader gig is SO. EASY. I don’t even have to come up with any ideas of my own! I get paid to pick on the Prime Minister, while all you lowly taxpayers are doing it on Twitter for free.”

 ...is foreign to your notions of a powerful and unifying president. Indeed, the nearest thing you have to an opposition leader is probably an editorial in the Wall Street Journal.

“I staunchly refuse to portray the Republican Party in a bad light, because they are SO AWESOME. PRAISE JESUS!”

 But a good thing it is to have a shadow government to keep the official one on its toes.

“I’ve heard the term “formulate workable alternative policies” before, but I have no idea what it means.”

 Regardless, sir, of their normal political affiliations millions of Australians took pride in your election as President...

“Most Australians couldn’t give a rat’s arse about American voters, but hey - they like what Oprah likes.”

 ...because it showed that America could live up to its dreams and that Americans were capable of judging people by the content of their characters rather than the colour of their skin.

“I’m trying to cover up my innate racism. How’m I doing?”

 In similar vein, I am very proud that an Aboriginal has finally been elected to the Australian House of Representatives as a member of the Liberal National Coalition.

“My PA found out on Google that we’ve got a black fellow in the House of Reps. Fancy that! Next thing you know we’ll be letting them buy their own groceries. ANYway, I think you, sir, are just as important as whatsisname.”

 Mr President, we too are a country that has beckoned to the “poor, the huddled masses, yearning to be free.”

“We beckon, they come, we lock them up for months while we do a bit of paperwork. Until I'm Prime Minister, of course, in which case they can all get stuffed.”

 We too are a country spreading across a continent from sea to shining sea.

“This is the extent of my knowledge of plate tectonics”

 We too are one nation indivisible under God with liberty and justice for all...

“I live in a magical fantasy fairyland. Also, PRAISE JESUS!!!”

 ...and at least in this country, sir, the President of the United States stands for power tempered with good will, wealth with justice and energy with wisdom. So, naturally, we could hardly have amongst us a more welcome guest.

“And to finish, I’d like to blow smoke up your arse. Damn, I wish you were white.”