27 June 2016
06 June 2016
30 December 2015
Everything that’s been;
Listed tersely and diversely,
Here’s my two-zero-fifteen:
Newman’s booting, Hebdo shooting;
Old Prince Phillip dubbed a knight.
Peter Greste freed;
Triggs’ indicters, hepatitis,
Libspill 1 did not succeed.
Baird won one term more;
Data stashing, alpine crashing,
Abbott ate an onion raw.
Earthquakes rocked Nepal;
ANZAC heroes reached two zeroes;
Bali Nine boys’ final call.
Depp’s dogs on death row;
Same sex weddings, bad coughs spreading
Goodesy stole the whole damn show.
TEN Australian flags;
Daesh drama, Dalai Lama,
Jenner graced some glossy mags.
Java’s skies turned dark;
Bronnie hopped a helicopter,
Michael Fanning punched a shark.
Cheaters’ names were viewed;
Plane wing mystery, Bishop’s history,
Libspill two was ON;
ScoMo’s winger dropped a zinger,
Turnbull’s in and Tony’s gone.
All Blacks took the Cup;
Doc Brown’s travels, Johns unravels,
Stocco outlaws’ time is up.
Paris and Beirut;
Russians plummet, climate summit,
Payne wins racing’s biggest loot.
Star Wars on the screen;
Briggs’s hickie, George Pell’s sickie,
Roll on two-zero-sixteen..
15 December 2015
16 August 2015
Sooner or later, every Facebook discussion turns to shit. Yesterday, my friend Jo, who is a nurse quite familiar with the workings of the bowel, practically dared me to write a pome about the brown stuff. I so seldom get the chance to take up a dare these days, so I thought I would re-invent The Bristol Stool Chart in rhyming ploplets.
For shits and giggles.
One is separate rock-hard lumps, and very hard to pass.
Two’s a lumpy sausage shape, a strain upon one's arse.
Three is like a chocolate bar, but cracked (not hard or knobby).
Four is smooth and serpentine, an easy-going jobbie.
Five consists of clear-cut blobs that don’t require a push.
Six has fluffy edges, ill-defined and boggy mush.
Seven’s got no shape at all; a watery suspension.
If you’re not doing threes or fours, your tummy needs attention.
|Illustration by Jo Thornely (a completely different Jo)|
23 March 2015
"Good government starts today."
Good government starts today. Hooray!My standards won’t fall beneathThe era of steam or the Pot regime.(But first let me clean my teeth.)Good government starts at half-past nine!I promise I’ll try to beMuch less of an arse to the working class.(Once I’ve had this cup of tea.)Good government starts right after lunch!Our policies shan’t be feared.I’ll do what I ought with the Moss report.(As soon as the plates are cleared.)Good government starts this afternoon!I’m certainly going to doA much better job for the native mob.(Beginning at ten past two.)Good government starts at dinner time!I’ll show nothing but remorseFor all of the brawls and the captain’s calls.(Right after the seventh course.)Good government starts at beddy-byes!There’ll be no more pain or sorrow.That’s a firm guarantee from my team and me:Good government starts tomorrow.
11 March 2015
"What we can't do is endlessly subsidise lifestyle choices if those lifestyle choices are not conducive to the kind of full participation in Australian society that everyone should have."