Sports Commentary Gold #9

Ladies, I can see your understatement.

It's the women's singles final of the 2010 Australian Open. Two of the world's most powerful and successful tennis players are slogging it out for the world to see. The helpful commentators don't disappoint:

"This is high quality tennis."

Sports Commentary Gold #8

Tubs gets particular
Say what you will about 20-20 cricket; I reckon it's as exciting as... well... squashing the best spectator sport in the world into prime time. But I do feel for the commentators.
Usually in a cricket commentator's job, there are hours of nothingness to fill with whatever inane and tangential chit-chat pops into his or her head. The results can often be Sports Commentary Gold. Now five days of banter has been condensed into three hours, and the results are no less delicious.
Take Tubby's recent description of a particular bowler's dimensions:

"Apparently he's 210cm tall. Now I don't know exactly how tall that is..."

Sports Commentary Gold #7

Newton's theory withstands the cricket test
In the recent third test between Australia and South Africa (otherwise known as 'too little, too late, boys'), Mark Nicholas commented on the quality of the pitch thus:
"...The bounce is more up and down now..."

Sports Commentary Gold #5

Advanced physics at Rod Laver Arena
I bloody love the Australian Open. Not only is it one of the few times I can watch a Grand Slam tennis match without staying up until three in the morning; but it is an absolute gold mine of sports commentary nuggets. For example:
"When Federer hits the ball it actually changes direction".

Sports Commentary Gold #4

Settle down, girls!
It's been a while since I heard some comment-worthy comments, but suddenly there are two in the same week!

Recently, Channel Seven reported on a bit of a stoush at a football (soccer, whatever the blumming heck it's called) match somewhere. Two players were swinging their floppy arms at each other, windmill-style, in a manner befitting a sport played internationally by precious sooks. The result, according to the reporter, was that "the handbags were still intact".

Sports Commentary Gold #3

More of the bleeding obvious...
A comment on ABC Radio 702 yesterday afternoon about the Canterbury Bulldogs' loss to Manly:

"The Bulldogs appeared to be comparatively second-rate."

Sports commentary gold #2

More Commonwealth corkers from the 'bleeding obvious' category...
During the pommel horse event: "His arms are actually starting to get tired now."
After winning gold in men's basketball: "Australia really is a world class team."

Sports commentary gold #1

I are not a plural; we am a country!
It's Commonwealth Games time. A time when most of my countrymen (or country-people for the semantically-inflexible) forget their troubles and the fact that they voted for a republic and enjoy the medal-fest that occurs in the absence of the USA and most of Europe. And with the Games comes a wealth of sports commentary gold.

Before the closing ceremony comes along, why not play the Singular/Plural Disagreement Drinking Game? It's very simple - whenever you hear a commentator refer to a single country or a team as a plural, you take a drink (and they say I don't know how to have fun). I bet you'll be plastered before the first medal presentation of the day. Look out for phrases like:

"Australia have a good medal chance in this event."
"The synchronised swimming team are really going for it."
"Jersey were proud just to have participated."

Picky? Me? I are not that bad...