15 May 2013

The Ten Commandments

Because perfect scores are for nerds.

I don’t have any other gods (unless you count caffeine);
I haven’t worshipped idols since Matt Dillon at sixteen;
I sometimes shout out “Jesus!” when my hand’s stuck in a door;
I don’t forget the Sabbath, ‘cause the shops all shut at four;
My Mum and Dad are awesome, and I honour them with cake;
I’ve killed some bugs and spiders, (and a pet mouse by mistake);
I don’t commit adultery (but dream of Jason Bourne);
I stole a pint glass once in London, stumbling home at dawn;
I’ve never borne false witness, neither in nor out of court;
The things I covet most are of the chocolate-covered sort;
At following commandments, I don’t think I’ve done too well;
So pass the gin and grease a goat – I’ll see you all in hell.

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