He’s the champion of the poor, the lost, the meek and dispossessed;
He invites all creeds and colours to his parish to be blessed;
He believes in being human, and in peaceable protest;
He loves Jesus, and he calls himself a Christian.
They’re a loving, married couple with a huge and loyal flock;
Spreading news of God through microphones and family-friendly rock;
They already know the getting-into-heaven secret knock;
Praise the Lord! Ch-ching! They call each other Christian.
He attends the sick and needy, if he gets the flights for free;
He tells lies and sells his arse to gain election victory;
He’ll support a wealthy mogul, but turn back a refugee;
He’s not quite a priest, but calls himself a Christian.
He’s ensconced within the Vatican, with wine and jewels and prayer;
He condones the rape of children by the men charged with their care;
He’ll protect the church’s name, but not those families in despair;
He’s a cardinal, and calls himself a Christian.
Now, I’ve read the Holy Bible, but I’m still a bit confused;
About what a “Christian” says and does, and how the word is used;
Which behaviour’s unforgivable, and which can be excused?
By what standards can one call oneself a Christian?
When I look to Christian leaders, their example isn’t plain;
Some are good and meek and giving, some destructive, cruel and vain;
But there is a single common thread, a prevalent refrain:
Someone’s Christian if they call themselves a Christian.