Pages

23 March 2015

Good government starts today.

Because we need to start a conversation about "good" and "today".


On Monday 9 February, Prime Minister Tony Abbott faced the media after emerging mildly victorious from a spill motion and announced: 

"Good government starts today."

But, like with everything the Prime Minister says, there has been some confusion. Given that, during the six weeks since his claim he's sidelined indigenous Australians, patronised Irish Australians, attempted to destroy the reputation of the Australian Human Rights Commission, brushed off allegations of physical and sexual abuse in our offshore detention centres and eaten a raw onion as if it was a sane thing to do, I think we need a little clarification about what constitutes "good government" and "today".

I asked the Prime Minister to come up with his own explanation in no more than six rhyming quatrains, and he was remarkably obliging: 

Good government starts today. Hooray!
My standards won’t fall beneath
The era of steam or the Pot regime.
(But first let me clean my teeth.)

Good government starts at half-past nine!
I promise I’ll try to be
Much less of an arse to the working class.
(Once I’ve had this cup of tea.)

Good government starts right after lunch!
Our policies shan’t be feared.
I’ll do what I ought with the Moss report.
(As soon as the plates are cleared.)

Good government starts this afternoon!
I’m certainly going to do
A much better job for the native mob.
(Beginning at ten past two.)

Good government starts at dinner time!
I’ll show nothing but remorse
For all of the brawls and the captain’s calls.
(Right after the seventh course.)

Good government starts at beddy-byes!
There’ll be no more pain or sorrow.
That’s a firm guarantee from my team and me:
Good government starts tomorrow.