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15 December 2015

The Twelve Days of Poxmas

Because we have a vaccine now. 

Some parents think holding "pox parties" to deliberately infect other people's kids with chicken pox - a usually mild but very uncomfortable disease with long-term complications - is preferable to having a quick jab. Perhaps they think the vaccine is more dangerous than the disease (it isn't). Perhaps they think it'll all be over in a week or so (it won't). Perhaps they think nobody ever dies from chicken pox (they do). Perhaps they don't think. 

Anyway, Pox Party Parents: this little festive jingle is for you and your poor kids. 

On the first day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
A flatlining E-C-G.

On the second day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the third day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the fourth day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Permanent scars
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the fifth day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Neur-al-gia
Permanent scars
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the sixth day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Bleeding disorders
Neur-al-gia
Permanent scars
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the seventh day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Weeping pus-filled blisters
Bleeding disorders
Neur-al-gia
Permanent scars
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the eighth day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Febrile convulsions
Weeping pus-filled blisters
Bleeding disorders
Neur-al-gia
Permanent scars
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the ninth day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Nausea and shingles
Febrile convulsions
Weeping pus-filled blisters
Bleeding disorders
Neur-al-gia
Permanent scars
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the tenth day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Encephalitis
Nausea and shingles
Febrile convulsions
Weeping pus-filled blisters
Bleeding disorders
Neur-al-gia
Permanent scars
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Bloodstained sheets from scratching
Encephalitis
Nausea and shingles
Febrile convulsions
Weeping pus-filled blisters
Bleeding disorders
Neur-al-gia
Permanent scars
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my Mum’s friend gave to me,
Viral pneumonia
Bloodstained sheets from scratching
Encephalitis
Nausea and shingles
Febrile convulsions
Weeping pus-filled blisters
Bleeding disorders
Neur-al-gia
Permanent scars
Mouth ulcers
Sore, crusty eyes
And a flatlining E-C-G.