11 August 2016

On the care and comfort of exotic pets

Just because.

Please don’t keep your axolotl in an empty shampoo bottle
When a proper coffee pot’ll do the trick.

Don’t feed raisins or sultanas to exsanguinous iguanas;
Offer only ripe bananas when they’re sick.

If you must adopt a locust, it’s important you stay focused -
Your indifference might provoke a stream of swears.

Water isn’t good for spiders, they prefer a range of ciders
Served with tiny pulled-pork sliders, cut in squares.

If you take a young impala to a symphony or gala,
Be advised: the sound of Mahler makes them squeal.

If you haven’t any pillow for your banded armadillo,
Then a head-sized sheet of filo is ideal.

If you can’t stop your cicada stealing biscuits from your larder,
Try to make its access harder with a maze.

Never give your tuatara make-up, shoes or a tiara,
You’ll be cleaning up mascara smears for days. 

1 comment:

  1. Hello Shellity
    Due to the eroding effects on my memory which may have been at least partially induced by having (against my will) to drink even more than I normally do over the past fortnight, I can't remember how I came across your blog. But how glad I am I did. I will gradually rummage through your drawers over the next few weeks and I hope that what I find at the back is as funny, interesting and entertaining as the bits I've managed to get my hands on up to now.
    looby, oop north, England