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Showing posts with label sport. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sport. Show all posts

08 October 2011

The Punch.

Because there's more to it than you might think.


Beginning with your pinkie, curl your fingers to your palm;
Then embrace them with your thumb and hold them tight.
If the line between your knuckles and your wrist and lower arm
Is a straight one, then you’ve no doubt got it right.

Hold your knuckles near your cheekbones, with your elbow pointing south;
Hold your other arm the same, as though reflected;
So if someone tries to hit you in your ribs or in your mouth,
You’ll have half a chance of keeping them protected.

Looking straight at your opponent, shift your favoured foot behind;
‘Til you’ve turned your body forty-five degrees.
Share your weight between your feet, held shoulder-width, and calm your mind.
Keep your shoulders down and slightly bend your knees.

In your head, create a picture of what you’re about to do;
Let the notion be infused with your ambition.
See your hand continue past your target’s edge and go right through;
Then return to its original position.

Now your fist is quite a weapon, but it doesn’t work alone;
It needs energy, momentum, speed and might.
If you don’t use your whole body every time a punch is thrown,
Then you may as well knit socks instead of fight.

When an urgent sort of rumbling in your head and belly grows,
Use your hips to make your torso turn and twist;
As it murmurs through your shoulders, gaining volume as it goes,
Turn your heel as it comes shouting out your fist.



30 January 2010

Sports Commentary Gold #9

Ladies, I can see your understatement.

It's the women's singles final of the 2010 Australian Open. Two of the world's most powerful and successful tennis players are slogging it out for the world to see. The helpful commentators don't disappoint:

"This is high quality tennis."

19 January 2007

Sports Commentary Gold #5

Advanced physics at Rod Laver Arena
I bloody love the Australian Open. Not only is it one of the few times I can watch a Grand Slam tennis match without staying up until three in the morning; but it is an absolute gold mine of sports commentary nuggets. For example:
"When Federer hits the ball it actually changes direction".

Sports Commentary Gold #4

Settle down, girls!
It's been a while since I heard some comment-worthy comments, but suddenly there are two in the same week!

Recently, Channel Seven reported on a bit of a stoush at a football (soccer, whatever the blumming heck it's called) match somewhere. Two players were swinging their floppy arms at each other, windmill-style, in a manner befitting a sport played internationally by precious sooks. The result, according to the reporter, was that "the handbags were still intact".

28 August 2006

A Bad Hair Day

Waaaah! Waaaah!
As anyone who's even remotely interested in international cricket will be aware, there has been a bit of hoo-hah surrounding a recent test match in England, where the course of events went something like this:

1. Umpire Darrell Hair suspects Pakistan of ball tampering, so calls for a ball change and penalises Pakistan five runs

2. Pakistan refuses to return to the field of play after tea, as a protest

3. After waiting half an hour or so, Hair declares that Pakistan has effectively forfeited the match, and knocks the bales off the stumps, signalling the end of the game.

4. It's still to be determined whether or not Pakistan is guilty of ball tampering and/or bringing the game into disrepute.

Firstly, I love the fact that this happened while Sydney is still in the swing of footy season. To me, footy season is just a few long months thinking about the return of cricket season.

Secondly, I'm quite surprised to see the number of comments by journalists and letters-to-editors that criticise Umpire Hair and blame him for the whole affair. I gather from many reports that he's a fairly stubborn, pig-headed and attention-seeking umpire, but that doesn't mean that the Pakistanis were justified in locking themselves up in the dressing room for half an hour because somebody suggested they might not play nicely.

Sure, no proof has come to hand yet (as far as the media are concerned) whether or not the ball actually was tampered with. And Pakistan has every right to protest if the players think they've been treated unfairly. But it's not Hair's fault if they choose not to settle the matter with dignity, but instead perform the sporting equivalent of a two-year-old's tanty. The question of evidence is beside the point - Hair did his job in raising suspicion based on the condition of the ball, and the rest is up to the tribunal process, whatever that may be.

In summary, the Pakistanis did not forfeit the match because Hair accused them of ball tampering. They forfeited the match because they behaved like spoilt children.

24 April 2006

Sports Commentary Gold #3

More of the bleeding obvious...
A comment on ABC Radio 702 yesterday afternoon about the Canterbury Bulldogs' loss to Manly:
"The Bulldogs appeared to be comparatively second-rate."

16 April 2006

Midriff Madness

Save the children from dangerous belly-buttons!
Today it's been all over the news - Australian cheerleaders have until the end of the year to cover up their bare bellies because of "fears" they may lead to teenage viewers developing eating disorders. Wha?

So let's just get this straight - looking at the bare midsection of a healthy woman who exercises regularly, has a steady job and more than likely eats her veggies is a bad influence? Since when? Any kid with half a brain who compares the cheerleader's body to their own should start thinking, "maybe I should ditch this meat pie, get off my arse and go for a walk". Those other kids who look at a few ribs and an umbilicus and are inspired to starve or spew their way to thinness already have a bigger problem than popping a cardie on a professional dancer will fix.

I'd really like to know where the "fears" of anorexia come from in this case. Have there been studies of anorexia nervosa patients who cited ill-clad cheerleaders as the reason their body image is so skewed? Or interviews with teenagers at footy games who state that watching the girls jump around before the game made them despair at their own body image? Or is it just speculation on the part of some idiots who think it's all right for a 12-year-old to be morbidly obese, as long as we don't hurt their feelings?

25 March 2006

Sports commentary gold #2

More Commonwealth corkers from the 'bleeding obvious' category...
During the pommel horse event: "His arms are actually starting to get tired now."
After winning gold in men's basketball: "Australia really is a world class team."

20 March 2006

Sports commentary gold #1

I are not a plural; we am a country!
It's Commonwealth Games time. A time when most of my countrymen (or country-people for the semantically-inflexible) forget their troubles and the fact that they voted for a republic and enjoy the medal-fest that occurs in the absence of the USA and most of Europe. And with the Games comes a wealth of sports commentary gold.

Before the closing ceremony comes along, why not play the Singular/Plural Disagreement Drinking Game? It's very simple - whenever you hear a commentator refer to a single country or a team as a plural, you take a drink (and they say I don't know how to have fun). I bet you'll be plastered before the first medal presentation of the day. Look out for phrases like:

"Australia have a good medal chance in this event."
"The synchronised swimming team are really going for it."
"Jersey were proud just to have participated."

Picky? Me? I are not that bad...