23 March 2006

I'm being killed by toxins and I didn't even know it!

I think I'm in real trouble.
I've been hearing a lot of talk about 'toxins' and how dangerous they can be when they build up in my body. Apparently, if I don't treat the build-up of toxins, horrible, horrible things can happen that can lead to an early death. So now I'm worried. Obviously my digestive system, kidneys, liver, skin and phagocytes aren't doing the job they're supposed to.

The main thing that worries me is how sinister these toxins are. I mean, I don't have any symptoms! Food and air goes in; ex-food and air comes out; I feel fine. But just to be on the safe side, can somebody please help me out by:
  • providing me with a specific definition, and chemical make-up, of these toxins;
  • describing to me precisely how each toxin gets into my body and stays there; and
  • suggesting a scientifically proven method for getting rid of them so that I can avoid death?

Until then, I guess I'll just have to wing it, like trillions of people before me.


  1. I can't believe how flippant you're being about these dangerous, health-sapping toxins. You must have been living under a rock, otherwise you'd know that they come from vaccines, mercury, electronic fields and alien probes. The only way you can get rid of them is to buy this expensive crystal, these expensive homeopathic remedies, and this foil hat. You're being a bit naive, relying only on facts and proof to inform your medical knowledge. Shame on you. Now go and irrigate your colon.

  2. Cowboy12:44 pm

    1) Bullshit is extremely varied in composition, toxicity and physical form, but may generally be regarded as a cumulative toxin.

    2) In addition to its great variety, bullshit is extremely widespread and pervasive. Consequently, it may be absorbed through the eyes, ears or occasionally other senses. Bullshit can very often spontaneously 'self generate' in the body. Once established in a population, bullshit spreads and multiplies rapidly.

    3) Severe cases of bullshit can never be fully purged from the system through normal means. Large quantities however, are generally excreted, naturally and periodically. In ancient times, this generally tok verbal form, but as technology has advanced our bullshit capacity, it has taken other forms, progressing rapidly through the written word to sound and video transmission. The ultimate form to date may be said to be the blog (and its associated correspondence).