Dear advocates of alternative natural wellness therapies,

I think we're on different essential energy frequencies. Or something like that.

You might think that western medicine’s foundations are quite shaky;
And that doctors are all ‘allopaths’ with methods that are flaky;
You might trust your health to cupping, iridology and reiki;
And avoid the chemist’s pill and surgeon’s knife.

But if you suffer from thrombosis or some kind of fibrillation;
If you get all pre-eclamptic at just 30 weeks’ gestation;
If you have a pneumothorax and it badly needs deflation
Then those scary doctors might just save your life.

You might think there’s a conspiracy to keep most people ill;
And that anyone who praises drugs is just a pharma shill;
You might think that chemo’s forced on cancer patients ‘gainst their will;
And iatrogenic deaths are through the roof.

But the facts are often bent to fit a pre-conceived idea;
And statistics oft elicited from anybody’s rear;
And one’s choice of words can conjure either confidence or fear;
So forget the fairy stories, give me proof.

You might think that ‘cause you read it on a website then it’s true;
And your neighbour’s cousin’s personal assistant said so, too;
You might think, if Oprah likes it, then that’s good enough for you;
And the case supporting what you think is strong.

But in scientific circles, more validity’s demanded;
And the evidential benchmark sits at quite a lofty standard
So if sources you present are not reliable or candid
Then for all intents and purposes, you’re wrong.