Farts. Belching. Armpit noises. Stories about pooh.
People tripping over in the street when it’s not you.
Someone classy in a bar with bog-roll on their shoe.
Kiddies throwing tantrums ‘til they drool.
Boobs. Curling. Pageant speeches. Lap dogs. Modern dance.
People caught at Customs with cocaine stuffed in their pants.
Anyone with comb-overs or obvious implants.
Women wearing make-up in the pool.
Pubes. Emo. Shetland ponies. Eurovision songs.
People who go shopping in bikinis and sarongs,
Paying more than twenty dollars for a pair of thongs.
Incoherent, hardly-done-by yobs.
Snot. Gussets. Giant pimples. Kids who hang ‘round malls.
Moments just before a figure-skating couple falls.
People doing gymnastics with ribbons and with balls.
Veggies shaped like blokes with giant nobs.
But not clowns.