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18 January 2012

The Pseudo-Scientist's Song


Oh, I am a pseudo-scientist and this is what I do:
I use big words and awesome-sounding claims to peddle woo;
I tout expired canards and convince you that they’re new;
And when I’m asked for evidence I sue, sue, sue.

I haven’t got a recognised or relevant degree;
I’ve got a snazzy website though, with photographs of me.
I always wear a stethoscope when I go on TV;
I don’t know how it works, but it lends authenticity.

Oh, I am a pseudo-scientist and this is what I do:
My studies always prove that my hypothesis is true;
I scoff at reasoned counter-claims and other points of view;
And when my method’s scrutinised I sue, sue, sue.

I kidnap terms from science but I don’t know what they mean;
I’m like an automatic multi-syllable machine;
My quantum-laden wellness-centric piffle fills your screen;
It’s slightly less coherent than a torpid Charlie Sheen

Oh, I am a pseudo-scientist and this is what I do:
I mess with graphs until they show a predetermined skew;
I ask some friends for favours and I call it ‘peer review’;
And if a journalist finds out I sue, sue, sue.

5 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:42 pm

    Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
  2. mochuck9:39 am

    youse right good

    ReplyDelete
  3. @christheneck11:51 am

    Nice stuff. I'm imagining something along the lines of the Modern Major General

    ReplyDelete
  4. I wish I could come up with good stuff like that!

    ReplyDelete