How You Know You're Not Doing Science

Because there's a right way and a wrong way.

Your opinions are eternal,

You call Nexus mag a “journal”,

All your papers have inadequate citation;

All your reasoning’s fallacious,

And your error margin’s spacious

You extrapolate a cause from correlation.

When the tests that you’ve completed

Come out different when repeated;

By researchers from another institution;

When your confirmation bias

And statistical outliers

Make you think you’re on the edge of revolution.

When you claim your measly sample

Of apologists is ample

To substantiate your derelict conjecture;

When you think, with pompous speeches,

You can obfuscate the breaches

In your study’s fundamental architecture.

You use paid search engine rating

And theatrical debating

To create a sound and ethical illusion;

Something suss is underlying;

Many big red flags are flying;

Your research is subsequent to your conclusion.