04 March 2013


Because when you dilute logic, it becomes bollocks.

Something very simple and straightforward has been happening over the last few months. So simple and straightforward that I can sum it up in a numbered list like this:
  1. Homeopathy Plus! claimed on its website that homeopathy was an appropriate preventative measure and treatment for Whooping Cough, and preferable to the Whooping Cough vaccine;
  2. Nobody in the history of everything has ever proven that homeopathy has prevented or successfully treated Whooping Cough, a highly contagious disease currently circulating and killing babies in Australia;
  3. The Whooping Cough vaccine, whilst not perfect, has been shown to be much more effective at preventing Whooping Cough than not having the vaccine;
  4. Somebody complained to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission about Homeopathy Plus!'s claims, because they sounded a little bit like "misleading claims", or as I like to call them, "big fibs";
  5. Homeopathy Plus! is currently facing Federal Court over its claims. 
So, company tells fibs. Company gets called out on fibs. Company goes to court. Shelley makes popcorn. Simple, right? 

Not according to Homeopathy Plus! and my old favourite harpies of hand-flapping, the Australian (Anti-)Vaccination Network. 

According to Fran Sheffield of Homeopathy Plus!, this chain of events steals away people's "right to freely access alternative health information".

According to the AVN, 
"the ACCC appears to be openly saying that Australians are not allowed to dissent from accepted opinion
...and the situation is:
"outrageous and not what we expect from a democracy such as Australia."

So on one hand, there are laws about how companies are allowed to promote their goods and services, and breaking those laws can result in penalties and punishment. On the other hand, some people don't like obeying the law and think they should be able to say whatever they believe to be true without any consequences whatsoever (or as I like to call it: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!").

In other words:

It’s not about liberty, rights or democracy,
Power or hatred or pointless bureaucracy,
No-one’s “attacking” your business or you;
You’re merely expected to stick to what’s true.

Although you spruik freely your tonics traditional,
Freedom to do so is not unconditional;
Anyone listening is equally free,
To call out your bullshit legitimately.

So go right ahead and sell potentised fallacies,
Tout anecdotes as objective analyses,
State your opinions as though they were facts,
And contravene various government acts.

But don’t think your self-stated superiority
Makes you immune to a proper authority.
If what you’re doing is breaking the law,
You’re going to get busted, ‘cause that’s what it’s for.


  1. Either you have to stop writing poems or I have to stop jumping up and down and clapping with glee, because my workmates are SICK OF IT.

  2. Shelley,

    Another gem.
    Beautiful meter.
    Funny as.

  3. Thanks for being nice.

  4. Amidst a sea of your usual brilliance, this is one of your best.....