24 June 2013

Is you is, or is you ain't?

Because there's no such thing as being half Christian.

Hardly anyone’s smote anymore. Such a shame.
Stoning blasphemers? Thing of the past.
No-one’s turned into salt when they’re clearly at fault;
Seems most people just couldn’t be arsed.

Why does nobody sacrifice goats unto God?
Or burn sinners and whores in a fire?
Why no lopping of hands like the Bible commands,
If to heavenly bliss you aspire?

Now it’s clapping and dancing and rock bands and hugs,
And “cool” “programs” like “Alpha” and “Shine”.
Where once weapons were swinging, now people are singing.
And heathens and sinners are fine.

It’s like modern-day churches just want to be liked,
At the cost of their age-old convictions.
They know people will stay for a chat and a pray;
But be frightened by forced crucifixions.

Popularity’s not what the Bible intends,
Its commandments are not ornamental;
You can’t castigate liars with slogans and fliers;
If you’re to be judged, be judgemental.

You can’t change what you like and still say you’re devout
Just to make sure your audience stays.
Either follow the scriptures or be Satan’s bitches –
You can’t really have it both ways.

Bring back sacrifice, beatings and justified rape;
Take the sword to those drawn to temptations.
Shun the blind and the gay, turn the unclean away;
And to hell with your public relations.

But if violence and cruelty aren’t what you’re about,
What on Earth makes you think you’ll be saved?
Written there, on those pages, brought down through the ages
You’re told how you must be behaved.

If your faith can’t survive its original form,
And your Bible’s an obsolete tome,
If you’re bending its rules just to hang on to fools,
Then it’s over. Go hard or go home.


  1. I just flipped my desk over and set the office on fire. You're wonderful.

  2. Anonymous4:18 pm

    Wow. Just....Wow.
    And this is just what you do in your spare time?

    1. It is, Anonymous. But only until I find a frivolously wealthy patron.