Wind

Because wind turbines cause complaints.

I was stopped by a short-beaked Echidna this morning;

He seemed rather strange in the head.

He offered a somewhat discomfiting warning:

“BEWARE THE WIND MONSTERS!” he said.

“They’re enormous and pale, and swing huge chopping blades,

While emitting a terrible sound.

Which, although you can’t hear it, covertly pervades

All the air and the sea and the ground.

“They spread terror and sickness and fierce discontent

Through low frequency rumblings and stealth.

And these things,” said my new friend, “might seem innocent,

But they’re terribly bad for your health.

“They make people grow old at a much faster rate,

Skin is wrinkled and dark hair turns grey.

They make some people fat, and still others lose weight;

In a strange and unnatural way.

“They disrupt people praying and upset the Chi,

There’s teeth-grinding and crying aplenty.

And the people who used to get up for a wee

Once or twice in the night, now need twenty.

“They bring hip pain and breast pain and general malaise,

And the growth of some organs is stunted.

They give people odd spasms that go on for days

So their townsfolk assume that they’re munted.

“They cause strange, shifting rashes and retching and sores

And a notable change in one’s faeces.

But it’s not only humans who suffer, because

The Wind Monsters aren’t fussed about species.

“All the bees and the worms and the crickets have gone

Sheep deformities seem to have spiked

All the livestock are jumpy, and won’t walk upon

Bits of grass that they once rather liked.

“Dogs eat pebbles and find they can’t jump anymore;

The lifecycle of crabs is left hanging;

Lungs explode inside bats; puppies piss on the floor;

And the peacocks and peahens aren’t banging.”

“Are we safe?” I inquired, “Should we hurry inside?”

I was then quite reluctant to stay.

“Well, I’d like to go home,” the small mammal replied,
“But I can’t seem to work out the way.”

Recently, I was lucky enough to attend a talk by Ketan Joshi, who knows an awful lot about renewable energy and its opponents. In this talk he mentioned the work of Professor Simon Chapman, who knows an awful lot about... well, as far as I can tell, everything. Professor Chapman has compiled this list (PDF) of health complaints associated with wind turbines, from a range of sources around the world. I was already interested (in a busy-working-mum sort of way) in the science and not-so-science of wind turbines, but when the phrase "echidnas losing their way" came up in Ketan's talk, I knew I had to rhyme about it. Every single condition mentioned in this pome has been reported by real people who attribute it to wind turbines.

Illustration by the bestest twin sister in the universe,  Jo Thornely. See more here.