Pages

14 January 2011

How to be sensible.

Because some people are idiots.*

Don’t walk down unlit alleys on your own.
Remove all quirky ringtones from your phone.
Don’t make a bet you can’t afford to lose.
Don’t run across the road in high-heeled shoes.
Be wary when you hear “I know for certain...”
When trying on an outfit, close the curtain.
Don’t take things at face value. Check your source.
Don’t walk behind a diarrhetic horse.
If things don’t seem to fit, investigate.
Don’t drive too quickly when you’re running late.
Make sure your tenses, nouns and verbs agree.
Don’t jump on couches when you’re on TV.
Don’t lick a carving knife. Don’t tip your chair.
Don’t holler at a hibernating bear.
Don’t use two hundred words when ten will do.
Don’t call a slightly sniffly cold “the ‘flu”.
Don’t take advice on marriage from the Pope.
Wear undergarments. Wash your hands with soap.
Don’t eat too much. Do exercise. Don’t smoke.
Don’t throw big rocks off bridges for a joke.
Accept that what you think might not be right.
Don’t take home-made explosives on a flight.
Don’t feed a box of Smarties to your dog.
Don’t waste your time with poems on a blog.

*Not you, sweetie. I don't mean you.