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04 February 2011

Dropping Twords #4: The Way Nature Intended.

Because 'no pants' isn't for everyone.

I haven't dropped a tword in months, so I thought it was high time I addressed a little niggle of mine. Please, please don't ever tell me that something should be done "the way nature intended". Unless you want me to slap you a little bit.

I love this thing called Nature, with its jasmine scent of Spring;
With its moonlit nights and stalactites and lambies gambolling
With its violent hot eruptions and its caves of smooth blue ice;
With its winds and tides and saccharides, it’s really rather nice.

But there’s a little phrase, by which my ears are most offended;
And although I’ve tried, I can’t abide “the way nature intended”.
Oh, I might be too pedantic, I could take a small step back;
This barely needs my frothing screeds but damn, I’ll have a crack.

Does Nature really have intent? Does it express desire?
Has it had a plan since time began? To what does it aspire?
Has it even been consulted? Was its sage opinion sought?
Do we just suppose what Nature knows, without a second thought?

And where does humankind fit in? Are we a part of nature?
I’m quite sure you’ll find us in the scientific nomenclature.
So just where is the distinction between ‘natural’ and us?
Should organic food and being nude become ubiquitous?

Should we tweak a corn crop’s DNA or kill a beast for food?
And does Nature think that squeezing drink from cows is simply rude?
Are we messing with a grand design by quaffing a Chablis?
Should we only eat what’s at our feet and fallen from a tree?

Should my polar fleece be scrapped because it’s made from bits of plastic?
Should I let my smalls be prone to falls ‘cause Nature hates elastic?
Should the Bedouin cast off their thawbs? The Inuit their parkas?
Should we duly ditch each stifling stitch and run around full starkers?

Should the hope of couples deemed infertile never be restored?
And should broken bones and kidney stones be utterly ignored?
Are those babies born with holes in hearts all part of Nature’s plot?
Should we just stand by and watch them die? Perhaps we’d better not.

Maybe Nature has intention, and it wants us to be smart;
To make cooking fire and copper wire and clothes and books and art;
To create a word like ‘Nature’ and the concept that it fits,
And to use machines or other means to argue it to bits.