12 October 2011


Because they really are quite important. 

I’m a fundamental requisite for most of life on Earth,
I’m important for allogamous conception and for birth,
Evolution’s seen my basic functionality maintained,
In my midst, the code of future generations is contained.
Every human being in history’s had me clandestinely swaddled.
From my form, great monuments of towering granite have been modelled.
Every king and queen and conqueror have had me on their thrones,
I’ve been carried ‘round by famous movie stars and by unknowns.
So you’d think I’d earned a modicum of reverence and acclaim,
But instead I’m given every kind of base, ignoble name.
Like ‘the squidgy bits below yer tits’ or ‘hoo-hoo’ or ‘hair pie’
Or ‘the man in the pink helmet’ or ‘the python with one eye’
Or ‘the map of Tassie’, ‘whisker biscuit’, ‘velvet glove’ or ‘quim’
Or ‘the strumpet thumper’, ‘Dr Wang’ or ‘Todger’ or ‘big Jim’
All I ask is recognition for accomplishments unsung;
For the fecund folds of flesh from which your foetal form was flung;
For the pendulous appendage that bore people-making fruit;
Just a tiny, whispered “thank you”. And perhaps a small salute.

With thanks to Chrys and Daphy for ideas, inspiration and titillating euphemisms.


  1. Another brilliant tome from the poet laureate of geeks,nerds, atheists and skeptics. Favourite saying in this house: "I love you" "I love you back" "Do you love my front?" "Yes ... and your squidgy bits." Hugs and my squidgy bits thank you - time they got a little respect.

  2. Warren12:03 am


  3. Woohoo - I've always wanted to see Warren's pink bits directly below mine. :-P

  4. Bert Maverick10:57 am

    Reminded me of Monty Python's "The Penis Song" a bit, but more respectful.

  5. A salute to your woo-hoo! Another excellent work of wit and whimsy.