08 August 2012

How to do morals

Because atheists are complete bastards.

I enjoy my snack-babies with Worcestershire sauce
And fried mushrooms on multi-grain toast.
Though their thigh fillets make for a sizeable course,
It’s their barbecued toes I like most.

I get terribly peckish when I’m out at night
On my thieving and murdering sprees
And I’d rather eat flesh when I fancy a bite
Than more orthodox crackers and cheese.

There’s no reason for me to be staunchly devout
When there’s myriad sin to be done.
Why have morals when I can be out and about
Having sexy, adulterous fun?

Spending long afternoons whittling idols with knives,
Telling lies and consorting with whores,
Going home to my husband and lesbian wives
And my animal lovers indoors.

Disrespecting my parents and not being nice,
Breaking vows and defiling a tomb,
Spending ill-gotten money on drinking and vice
And neglecting the fruit of my womb.

With the teachings of Jesus dismissed from my life,
I’ve created the mess that I’m in.
With no God-given morals to keep me from strife,
Then what choice do I have but to sin?


  1. Actually pretty close the Christian view of Atheist life!

  2. Oops, typo alert! In the last line :-)

  3. Thanks Nick. Fixed now.

  4. I blame Science.

  5. It's like a check-list of holiday activities. "Oh, I haven't gone out and defiled a tomb lately. Hope the weather allows it this weekend."