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08 May 2014

How to Make a Baby

Because lady anatomy is hard.

Today, member of Victorian Parliament and self-appointed Minister For Pink Bits Geoff Shaw had something to say about abortion laws. Like so many other Proper Christian Men who are in charge of ladies' bodies, he took a very rational and scientific approach to the issue. To illustrate:

“Here in Australia we can’t kill snake eggs but we are quite happy to kill an egg in the tummy and it should be the safest place for a baby to be."


And so, to celebrate Shaw's impeccable grasp of the female anatomy and its role in reproduction, I give you this:

When a lady and a man who love each other very much,
Get together in a comfy place for love-cuddles and such,
All the dangly bits on one side get all hard and sort of uppy,
And the lady lies quite still, just like a well-trained little puppy.
Then the sticky-uppy sausage does an inny-outy dance
‘Til it spills some little fishies and goes back into its pants.
All the fishies have a swim (because they haven’t any legs)
Through the Cylinder of Mystery ‘til they reach the tummy eggs.
While the fishies and the tummy eggs all have a little chat,
POP! SHAZAM! A babby’s safe inside the lady, just like that.
Then the doctor takes the babby out with special babby-tweezers
And then everyone gives thanks to God and little baby Jesus.