21 May 2010

The A to Z of anti-vaccination

When only alphabetised rhyming couplets will do.

This has been buzzing around in my head for a while, but only recently have I had enough work on to make this kind of procrastination really worth the effort. I bring you my tribute to the anti-vaccination movement.

A's for Anti-vaccination, which you are, let's face it.
B's for Brain. You've got one, but you frequently misplace it.
C is for Complaints to the Commission, based on facts;
D is for Donations that do Disappearing acts.
E's for education, which you give but don't receive
F is for the falsehoods that you'd have us all believe.
G is for Gish Gallop, or a cavalcade of lies;
H is Homeopathy, which doesn't immunise.
I is immunology, a science beyond your ken;
J is for autism-'curer', Playboy bunny Jen.
K is for the "knowledge" that you have about this issue;
L's for 'Living Wisdom' (read: 'expensive toilet tissue').
M is for that Meryl, vocal harbinger of doom;
N's for @nocompulsoryvac, her tweeting nom de plume.
O is for the bane of anti-vaxxers' lives, Paul Offit;
P is for big Pharma, and for horrid, evil profit.
Q's for Questions brought before your doctor's ugly mug;
R is for reactions that are swept under the rug.
S is for the Swine 'flu, which you claim is manufactured;
T is for the truth, which in your case is clearly fractured.
U's for the Uniting Church, which wouldn't house your speeches;
V's for Vaccines, which you'd gladly substitute with leeches.
W's for Whooping Cough, which shouldn't still be 'round;
X is xeno-antigen, an 'x' word that I found.
Y is yadda, yadda - what I hear when you start quacking;
Z is zip your lip, my friends, be gone! Sod off! Get packing!


  1. Your final line is incredibly restrained.

    I'm gob-smacked with awe. Bloody brilliant.

    I bet there's no-one at the AVN (or on the earth's crust, for that matter), who can scan like you can.


  2. Now THAT is dedication to the cause!

  3. Fantastic! I am in awe, thankyou.

  4. That isn't just funny, it even scans properly! Do you know how rare that is? Love it :-)

  5. You're like the love child of Pam Ayres and Edward Jenner.

  6. Rach, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

  7. Thank you! This is superb :-)