Doctor What?

Because sometimes they is, and sometimes they ain't.

There are Doctors of Philosophy, who’ve earned their PhDs;
There are those who work in medicine, with medical degrees;
There are those who treat bad teeth, bent minds and lame, asthmatic horses;
There are those who filled in forms online for correspondence courses.

There is Doctor Nancy Malik and there’s Doctor Nimrod Weiner;
Then there’s Doctor Charlene Werner with her jovial demeanour;
There is Doctor Vicki Monroe, who can talk to wayward spirits;
And there’s Doctor Sherri Tenpenny, from whom I get the irrits.

Doctor Who, at least, has got a solid grasp of basic science;
And Doctor Faust was smart, despite his sinister alliance;
There was method to the evil plots of Doctor Fu Manchu;
And the bumbling but well-meaning Doctor Bunsen Honeydew.

Doctor Jekyll was quite clever, though his Mr Hyde was shocking;
And that Doctor Frank-N-Furter wore a fetching fishnet stocking;
Doctor Zaius had a brilliant mind AND thumbs upon his feet;
And few ills could not be soothed by Doc-Doc-Doc-Doc-Doctor Beat.

Doctor Feelgood made Aretha wail in special lady ways;
Doctor Dolittle could talk with hawks and chat with cats for days;
Doctor Strangelove could control a bomb, but not his maverick arm;
Doctor Evil was a modern Doctor No, without the charm.

With so many so-called doctors, maybe something needs explaining;
Which are worthwhile? Which are evil? Which are merely entertaining?
Any fool can pop some letters on the edges of their name;
So be wary of the difference: quacks and surgeons ain’t the same.

Now, a rose by any other name is still a lovely sight;
And if you call a spade a spade when it’s a shovel, that’s not right;
Elton John is just plain ‘Reginald’ when all is said and done;
And if you call yourself a Doctor, then that doesn’t make you one.


Hat tips: Bastard Sheep, Reasonable Hank and Carol C.