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16 July 2013

Yo, Chiro.

Because chiropractors are the shizzle, so they tell me.

Every so often, a critical light is shone on the pseudoscience that is chiropractic, in particular the kind of chiropractors who claim that their brand of back-cracking can treat a wide range of conditions not even remotely related to the spine - claims for which there is no reliable scientific evidence.

The ABC's Catalyst program gave it a red hot go last Thursday night - you can watch it here for some rational and not-so-rational insight from both sides of the equation. It's worth it for spinal specialist Mr John Cunningham's epic face-palm alone.

My contribution, naturally, is to imagine what a chiropractor might say, if a chiropractor was also a rapper. Because it's high time chiropractors-who-are-also-rappers got a shout out on my diggety-dope blog thang.

Good morning, Ms O’Brien
I hear yo babby cryin’
You say she ain’t been sleepin’?
Her ear is sore and weepin’?
Don’t need no vaccination
It’s just a subluxation.

I gotta trick
Imma go CLICK
Imma go CLICK with my magic stick.

Lie down please, Mrs Proctor
You say you saw yo doctor
And gots a diagnosis
Of Endometriosis
Well put that quack behin’ ya
‘Coz I can realign ya.

I gotta knack
Imma go CRACK
Imma go CRACK on your healthy back.

I gots my awesome knowledge
When I went to a college
And studied for my final.
I learned all things are spinal,
And some joints are asthmatic,
And sickness is just static.

I gots degrees
Imma charge FEES
Imma charge FEES like da real GPs

So if you’re feelin' funny
Then gimme all your money.
Come see me every ten days
I’ll send you for some X-rays
Entrust your health to me, bro,
It works just like placebo!

You gots da ills?
Imma send BILLS

Imma send BILLS for my badass skillz.