Yo, Chiro.

Because chiropractors are the shizzle, so they tell me.

Every so often, a critical light is shone on the pseudoscience that is chiropractic, in particular the kind of chiropractors who claim that their brand of back-cracking can treat a wide range of conditions not even remotely related to the spine - claims for which there is no reliable scientific evidence.

The ABC's Catalyst program gave it a red hot go last Thursday night - you can watch it here for some rational and not-so-rational insight from both sides of the equation. It's worth it for spinal specialist Mr John Cunningham's epic face-palm alone.

My contribution, naturally, is to imagine what a chiropractor might say, if a chiropractor was also a rapper. Because it's high time chiropractors-who-are-also-rappers got a shout out on my diggety-dope blog thang.

Good morning, Ms O’Brien

I hear yo babby cryin’

You say she ain’t been sleepin’?

Her ear is sore and weepin’?

Don’t need no vaccination

It’s just a subluxation.

I gotta trick

Imma go CLICK

Imma go CLICK with my magic stick.

Lie down please, Mrs Proctor

You say you saw yo doctor

And gots a diagnosis

Of Endometriosis

Well put that quack behin’ ya

‘Coz I can realign ya.

I gotta knack

Imma go CRACK

Imma go CRACK on your healthy back.

I gots my awesome knowledge

When I went to a college

And studied for my final.

I learned all things are spinal,

And some joints are asthmatic,

And sickness is just static.

I gots degrees

Imma charge FEES

Imma charge FEES like da real GPs

So if you’re feelin' funny

Then gimme all your money.

Come see me every ten days

I’ll send you for some X-rays

Entrust your health to me, bro,

It works just like placebo!

You gots da ills?

Imma send BILLS

Imma send BILLS for my badass skillz.