13 August 2011

Commentally unstable

Because comment threads breed crazy.

Anyone who's spent the last few years procrastinating at work reading blogs and online articles has probably got some idea of the calibre of logic and manners that pops up in comment threads. No matter what the topic of the original post, any comment thread longer than a few sycophantic bum-slaps from friends and rellies (Hi, friends and rellies!) is bound to contain at least one foam-flecked numpty with an axe to grind and no discernible experience with reason. This is my tribute to the wastrels of commentitude, based on real examples. Do feel free to add your own.

You’re not allowed to comment here,
Unless your child or someone dear;
Has suffered something quite severe;
Or died, you heartless beast!
I sympathise. I understand.
Consider me a helping hand;
Just follow me on twitter and
Your sales will be increased!
You come on here to mock, abuse,
And falsify opposing views;
But haven’t got the guts to use
Your proper, legal name.
I have a valid point to make;
Our very freedom is at stake;
That’s what the Nazis tried to take!
You’re all the bloody same.
I can’t indulge you anymore,
‘Cause up in comment number four,
You mis-spelled “atheist”, therefore:
Your argument’s a farce.
I’ve done my own research; have you?;
You cannot know the things I do;
So take your “tests” and “peer review”;
And stick them up your arse. 


  1. All the comments I get are articulate, even-minded and intelligent.
    Much like yours.

  2. Anonymous3:08 pm

    atheeism is like a religun cuz your all brainwashed by scince n rashunalitty!!!1!1!1

    love the beats shell! -Mark xx

  3. Well said. I rarely read comments anymore, for precisely this reason. So in that vein, feel free to ignore what I've said here.

  4. Hi Matt! See what I did? I didn't ignore you.